Frequently Asked Questions
Dear Lady Misato,
How can I get my wife to take charge of our marriage? I don't have the courage to ask.
It's always better to ask if you can muster the courage but here are some other suggestions that tend to work:
- Point your wife to "Real Women Don't Do Housework" as a conversation starter and ask her opinion.
- Buy her the set of books I recommend.
- Join our husband's forum to pose questions and find tips.
- Start doing the chores around the house on your own initiative.
- Lavish your wife with affection and praise at every opportunity, not just when you want sex.
- Try to be the first one home from work and prepare dinner. Clean up afterwards.
- Draw her a bath and wash her hair.
- Send her flowers. At the office.
- Stop arguing and fighting. Offer your opinion but give in to her when she makes a decision.
- When your wife asks about your new attitude as she inevitably will, point her again to "Real Women Don't Do Housework." This time she should get the hint.
Dear Lady Misato,
I like your ideas but I'm not into S&M and neither is my husband.
I don't practice S&M or anything that involves pain or humiliation and I don't recommend it. This is about psychological domination by the wife over her husband in everyday situations. You don't need to be into S&M to enjoy it.
Dear Lady Misato,
I'm not sure if my husband will accept my domination of our marriage. How can I tell if he is inclined?
Most husbands are more willing that you realize. There are some, however, who will not accept domination by their wife. Husbands who are insecure or who seek domination of the household for its own sake are less inclined to give up or share power. But such men are not the rule.
The misconception arises from the assumption that only naturally submissively men will submit to a dominant wife. But there is another category to consider: men who are strong and confident in their personal and professional life. Such men accept domination by their wives as a balance in their life. They freely give up power to their wife out of love and adoration and to explore a side of themselves that they might not otherwise enjoy.
So don't assume that because your husband is not a weak-willed pansy that he will not accept your domination of the marriage.
Go for it,
Dear Lady Misato,
I turn to you because my husband has shown me your RWDDH website and asked me to establish your ideas in our relationship.
I'm 32 years old, a year older than my husband. When we married in 2003 he was starting a promising career. But since 2006 his career has stagnated while I have suceeded as doctor and lecturer in medicine at the university. Now I'm earning nearly twice as much as him.
In the last months I noticed that he has been struggling with the fact that I'm more successful than him. At the same time, I've become more and more self-assured because of this. A few days ago he told me "we have to talk" and then he revealed his submissive thoughts to me.
I read your website and I like what I saw there. How should I proceed?
Your is almost a perfect, textbook case and almost anything you choose to do would work. But let me recommend the most direct and dramatic path.
The first thing to decide is whether he will continue to work or become a househusband. That is something you can decide alone or with him. I suggest that you decide with him but by announcing your choice and seeking his consent through "conversation" working out the practical details together. Most women in your situation choose to have their husband quit his job and maintain the household and raise the children if it is financially feasible.
Whatever you decide on this, I recommend that you begin with a dramatic annoucement. Tell him, in the morning before you leave for work, that you have been thinking about what he told you and that you plan to take him out to dinner to discuss it. (Going out makes it more of an event like a marriage proposal and provides a social context; saying you are "taking him out" gives a big hint of your decision without revealing it.) He will be beside himself all day in anticipation of what you are going to say.
After sitting down for dinner, when things are settled, begin by thanking him for his trust and love of you. This is important for him and for you. Affirm his mature recognignition of your current situation and his constructive response to it. (Many marriages break down when the husband falls behind the wife; many men turn to alcohol instead of to submission.) Gracefully acknowledge the great trust he has demonstrated in you by showing you my website. He has willingly given you the keys to his heart and mind as you will see in time.
Next, tell him you have thought it over very carefully and that you agree with him that this would be a good solution to your current situation. Reveal that you, too, have been thinking in this direction since your career is advancing while his is stagnating. (Don't be a fraid to speak frankly about this but always use a touch of humor and compassion in doing so.)
Tell him that you love him very much and that in agreeing to this you promise to make him a happy man and to make your marriage a strong and successful one. This is important to set the shared goals and to confirm his trust in you.
Having set things up this way you can then proceed to lay out how you expect your marriage to work henceforth. Here is where you would discuss his quiting his job and caring for the home, if that is your decision, your taking over the family finances, and, generally, becoming the head of the household.
If you run into any resistence, tell him that you will discuss it further when you get home. Make a mental note of all the points of resistence.
Throughout the conversation, be mature and confident, you now wear the pants in the family, you are the new head of the household, but also be sexy and seductive. Speak with a firm but soothing voice as you might instruct a child. Most of all, let go of all resistence to being assertive and confident. Most women have learned to supress this but now it will be important for you to express it freely.
End the dinner by telling him that he is "probably going to get lucky tonight". This excites him and asserts your control over sex.
When you get home, take your time. Ask him to draw you a bath and to sit with you while you bathe to discuss thing further. Let him gaze with anticipation at your body.
Once you are in bed, you should pick up your conversation again, using the "conversation" technique, first confirming all the things you have agreed to and then moving to the points of disagreement. If you reach any point of impasse, you can simply quit, roll over, and pretend to go to sleep. He will quickly respond to coax you back.
This is also a good time to introduce him to giving you oral sex if that is not already part of your lovemaking. (As you probably have read from my website, he should always give oral to you, you never give oral to him.)
Once you are satisfied (either orally or with a toy), then finally proceed to intercourse. (Sometimes you will end your lovemaking without satisfying him depending on his behavior and the management of his orgasms but this night is a night to consumate what is truly a new marriage.) Given everything that has proceeded, he will probably not last very long but even so, you may take the opportunity to ask him questions like "do you love me?" "how much?" "what would you do for me?" "will you be my househusband?" Having him thinking about this when he reaches climax is a powerful way to reinforce the evening.
Take the above as a suggested template. You might have reason for adjusting it to your situation but its roughly the standard acceptance format.
Dear Lady Misato,
My wife wants me to submit to her. I'm willing to give it a try, it sounds like it might be fun. But I'm worried about what other people will think. I can only imagine the ridicule I'm setting myself up for when friends see me doing the dishes.
I always urge wives to keep their dominance private. In general, our society is not yet ready to openly accept female dominated marriages.
It is true that if you and your wife truly practice this others are bound to notice your power arrangement. Ask your wife, as a favor to you, to keep her domination to a minimum in public situations. But, still, there will be enough subtle clues for anyone that spends time with you two to put two and two together.
I would suggest that you consider the risk of embarrassment and ridicule, however you wife might minimize it, as part of the package. Assuming the risk of embarrassment and ridicule from friends and family is part and parcel of your submission to your wife. You will demonstrate your devotion to her in how you handle embarrassment and ridicule when it arises.
You will let your wife see that she comes first in your life by the sacrifices you make for her. Submit like a man.
Dear Lady Misato,
I have recently learned that my submissive husband enjoys wearing women's undergarments. How can I use this to increase my dominance over him? He isn't aware that I know his little secret.
It is surprising how many husbands secretly fantasize about being "forced" to wear women's clothes, not just undergarments. This is just one facet of an urge to submit to a stronger will.
Wearing women's undergarments is a kind of secret that you and your husband can share, a physical manifestation of his submission to you. He is constantly reminded by it that a) he is the submissive partner in the marriage, and b) this might be revealed at any time as for example if he ended up in the emergency room at the hospital.
Anytime you can force your husband to admit something that he is reluctant to admit you have increased your power over him. In this case, it is his secret fetish for women's undergarments. I'd suggest that you begin the conversation as innocently as possible, during a night "hand session". Build slowly to the real issue with questions such as "do you ever think about my undergarments?", "have you ever thought about wearing women's undergarments?" The goal is to get him to admit his fetish. Get him to ask you for permission to wear panties, for example.
The next step, of course, is to fulfill this fantasy for him. I suggest that you take away his underwear and replace it with appropriately sized panties. He may offer some token resistance to this but it should not be difficult to "persuade" him to wear them. Indeed, you might go so far as to explain to him that you know that this is "what he wants" and that his protestations to the contrary insult your intelligence. Forcing him to admit his desires in this regard can be very powerful in and of itself.
The first effect of the panties will be to constantly arouse your husband and cause him to constantly think about you and his submission to you. You will immediately notice an increase in his attentiveness to you. They will be a constant, gentle, reminder, of his submission to you.
The panties will serve as a Sword of Damocles hanging over your husband's head, so to speak. In any public situation, if you are unhappy with your husband's behavior, you can hint at your "little secret". This is a delicious device for keeping him in line, one that he too will enjoy.
Finally, revealing this fetish is the ultimate humiliation. You might require, for example, that he reveal them an act of penance. But once that can of worms is opened, it is difficult to go back. Alternatively, you might simply take the relationship to the next level by casually revealing this fact publicly and forever casting him as the submissive partner in the marriage among your mutual acquaintances.
Dear Lady Misato,
I would like to know how I should go about achieving more control of our finances (by that I mean his) to ensure his dependence on me. He has a high-paying job, I stay home and take care of the house. I know he will put up resistance to any change in that area but I feel I will never achieve true and lasting authority without "holding the purse strings". How should I proceed?
Dear Financially Dependent,
You can easily take financial control whether or not you are the income earner of your household. As with everything else, I would suggest that you take it step by step, applying an liberal does of erotic persuasion along the way.
- Make sure that his paycheck is being automatically deposited into your joint checking account.
- Have him start reporting his spending to you. Make him account for his spending.
- Put him on a budget. Reward him for staying within his budget. Punish him for exceeding it.
- Take away his checkbook. Write the checks. (You might have him prepare the bills but require that you sign all checks.)
- Take his name off the checking account.
- Cut up his credit cards.
You might try things differently but the key is to take it step by step and get him comfortable at each step before you move to the next.
Dear Lady Misato,
Most people would consider me to be pretty masculine. I have an athletic build and a prestigious job. I definitely do not consider myself to be unattractive or a "wimp", but I would like nothing more than to be dominated by a my wife.
I think that female domination, such as you describe, is the key to a long and happy relationship. I realize that I need the love of a women (and yes, sexual intercourse) to feel happy and fulfilled. Personally, I get great pleasure from doing things for my wife. I also feel that most women have the need to be in control, to dominate. I think one of the reasons so many of the eating disorders afflicting women stems from a feeling of not being in control and perhaps the unconscious desire to increase their erotic power by making themselves thinner and more desirable.
Well, anyway, I've shared all this with my wife and have shown her your web site. Her first reaction was "I like this" when she read the part about doing housework etc. She does agrees with your concepts of erotic power etc. but does not want a "slave." Me, I want to submit to her totally. I want her to be the boss.
If you have any advise on this I would appreciate it.
Dear Macho Husband,
Let me begin by assuring you that both you and your wife are very "typical".
It is not the least bit unusual for otherwise "macho" men to desire to submit to their wives. Often "alpha male" types submit to their wife to find a balance in their life, as well as to express their love and devotion.
This is related to your wife's preference. Very, very few women want a "slave" as a partner. The slave metaphor is most unromantic. A slave is not a willing servant; he does not submit by his own choice.
In contrast, I offer the Queen/knight metaphor. This is by far a more romantic metaphor. A knight willingly submits to serve his Queen. He is macho and brave and defends her to the death. But at the same time he bows before her and submits to her will.
Tell her you wish to serve her as a knight, not as a slave.
This in turn relates to a very common situation: women crave to be in control but don't want to be seen as craving to be in charge. Thus they are reluctant to openly acknowledge their dominant tendencies. What is required is to constantly reassure her that you not only are willing to serve her as a knight but that you desire it, crave it. That she would be granting you a huge favor to dominate you. You must say this over and over in every conceivable way.
I would therefore advise against discussing her domination of the relationship until she is more comfortable with it. Instead, just submit without talking about it. Live it and then let her get comfortable with it.
Dear Lady Misato,
With regard to marriage, I plan to follow your advice and ask her on Valentine's day if she will marry me. I'm still not quite clear how it is the ultimate form of submission, but I feel that it is something she would like, and I certainly don't want to loose her. Maybe, I just answered my own question.
Indeed, you have.
Dear Lady Misato,
Are you for real? I expect a giant gaff to descend from the ceiling at any second. My husband wonders if you might be pullin' his leg?
I once had another husband email me with a similar skepticism. He thought this was all just some web joke. He bet me that he could not be brought to heal by the techniques I described (or else I could publish his name and personal information with a public apology from him).
He showed his wife the site and dared her to do it.
A couple weeks later he emailed me to beg me to let him off the hook. He had not been entirely broken yet but he was smart enough to see the writing on the wall at that point. He was going down and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop it precisely because he was enjoying it so much. He had found joy in submission to his wife.
The techniques work amazingly well in large part because they tap into something very deep within the male psyche. I don't pretend to understand it entirely but it works, that much I know. Even when the husband is fully aware of what is going on, he is compelled to submit and he thoroughly enjoys the submission.
Tell your husband to settle in for the ride. His life is about to change radically and when it's all done, he'll wonder why he hadn't begged you to do this for him a long time ago.
Men are born to serve; women need only step up and seize their rightful place in marriage at the head of the table.
If your husband and you have already shared the website and discussed it and you just want to see for yourselves how well it works, I suggest that you skip directly to the conversational techniques described at Conversation. Don't be shy, take his penis firmly in hand as described.
I guarantee you'll learn things you never knew about your husband and he'll be shocked at what he tells you.
Of course, I could still be pullin' your leg but there is one way to find out: try it!
Dear Lady Misato,
Thanks to your site I am now the Queen of my household. But I am looking for ideas and guidelines for suggestions as to ways I can keep my husband on the edge without letting him release. I have found that when he is on the edge he is very attentive to me and I like that. Do you believe in chastity belts? If so what one would you recommend?
Probably the ideal "chastity belt" for men is something like the CB-2000, a plastic cage made of a series of rings which enclose the penis. This device is comfortable and practical and can be worn 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for an indefinite period of time. It allows for urination and showering. It cannot be detected under loose fitting clothing. It is very light weight. The device includes a plastic lock which is tamper proof. So you can lock him up and then let him out to play when he has earned his reward. You literally hold the keys to the center of his universe.
This device makes self pleasure (not to mention infidelity) entirely impractical. If wives knew how often their husbands were seeking their own private pleasure every husband would be so fitted.
Dear Lady Misato,
What does it mean to "see the rabbit?" I heard this phrase in a conversation at the office from women who were talking about their husbands doing the household chores.
Men are naturally protective of their macho esteem. Men are told by society to be the head of the household or, at a minimum, to share power equitably with their wife. Men assume that they must be dominant to be happy. Men do not naturally associate submission with happiness.
So a wife typically seduces her husband into submission to her gradually, without his knowledge. The idea is to get the husband addicted to erotic power without his awareness like the proverbial boiled frog. (There is a parable that a frog when plunged into hot water will try to leap out. However, a frog placed in cool water that is then gradually brought up to the boil will sit there until it dies.)
But men are not frogs and submission, not death, is the end. At some point your husband will recognize the situation for what it is. He will become aware of the pleasure he is deriving from his submission to you. It is this point of awareness that we call "seeing the rabbit." Suddenly, all his old assumptions are called into question and he faces up to the fact that he is happier when you, not he, is the dominant partner in the marriage. He sees clearly now the previously invisible hand of your erotic power and he realizes that he is powerless before it.
It is also at this point that he chooses, willfully now, to continue the new arrangement because he recognizes that he can't go back to the way it was and, indeed, he doesn't want to go back.
Once your husband "sees the rabbit" your conversations with him become very open and honest; nothing need ever be held back again.
Dear Lady Misato,
I've been married for five years At first he treated me like a Queen. It seemed so easy to get and keep his interest. Lately he has been much less attentive and the friction in our relationship is reaching a critical level. When I saw your website I felt this might be the answer I was searching for. Will your techniques help me to capture his undivided attention once again?
Believe me, this is the most common story in the world!!! Please, don't blame your husband. And don't blame yourself. Just realize that you have the most common marital problem since the invention of marriage and you can do something about it!
Wives who use my techniques truly transform their marriages. Not only are they happier but so are their husbands. Believe me, this is a lot of fun for both of you. I don't call my husband's forum Wife Worship for nothing.
You can regain his undivided attention by assuming a dominant role in your marriage and you will hold his rapt attention thereafter.
All that required is that you are willing to mercilessly apply the techniques I describe. Your husband will be back at your feet in no time.
Dear Lady Misato,
My future husband showed me this website not too long ago. I am very new to this but find it interesting. This is a wonderful website. The question I have is how to control my husband's self pleasure. We both have agreed that we need to stop his habit, but he has done it for so many years it is a routine to him (sometimes he will even do it at work). Is there a way to bring this habit completely under my control? I feel if I can really control this I can really be in charge in the bedroom.
You are not alone. Few wives realize how frequently their husbands self pleasure. You are lucky that he has shared it with you.
Probably the most radical but effective method is a chastity device. This will certainly bring this habbit completely under your control and control in the bedroom will follow that and control of everything else will follow that. Given that your husband showed you the website, I would take that as a green light to pursue this path.
An alternative is to control your husband's overactive libido through regular prostate milking (until such time that he is able to control
himself) as described in Seduction.
Dear Lady Misato,
I have read your information on "how to begin". One question
remained: What is the best strategy when I want more often sex than my husband?
Yours with best regards.
Dear Randy Wife,
This will require some patience in the beginning but ultimately you will have
First I want to clear up a common misconception: It is not necessary that you
each have an equal frequency of orgasm. For example, in the extreme case, you could have your husband
bring you to orgasm (orally or with a toy) two or three times a day while you
allowed him a release only once a month.
Second, husbands who submit sexually to their wives invariably have greater sex
drives for a number of reasons. Mainly, though, by eroticizing your marriage you
will have him constantly on edge.
The best strategy is to begin by reducing your frequency of "normal" sex. Use my
techniques to seduce him into submission after you have starved him for a while.
In the worst case, you can shame him by making love to a vibrator while he is
beside you in bed. This is powerful in a number of ways and usually drives men
wild (with passion and jelousy).
Dear Lady Misato,
My wife and I have been experimenting with the techniques on your website. One thing that
concerns me is that there seems no limit to her power over me. If I try to resist her then
she denies me sexual relief until I can bear it no longer. I seem always to lose these
contests of will. Do you think it's possible for a husband to endure this abstinence and in
the mean time try my darnest to arouse his wife that she eventually changes her
The answer is "no". And it's probably important for you to understand why.
Men and women differ physiologically in a fundamental way. To put it most simply,
men are driven by biology to impregnate as frequently as possible while women
are driven to choose a mate carefully. Thus there exists a tremendous asymetry between
the sexual drive of the male and female; the male sex urge is overwhelmingly powerful
not easily subject to rationality.
It's not that women can't enjoy sex as much as men. Arguably we can enjoy it
more since we are not "expended" by it. But a woman is never driven like a men
to have sex urgently. Rather, for us, it is a general desire that can be satisfied sooner...or later.
It is precisely this difference which gives rise to a woman's erotic power over
her husband. A woman who understands this difference and who is willing to
exploit it to transform her marriage cannot be resisted by a normal, healthy,
Dear Lady Misato,
As long as we have been married, I have done my "wifely duty" to provide him oral. Meanwhile, he has
refused to go down on me because it is "unmanly," "unsanitary," or worse. I have never enjoyed swallowing his pecker snot and I'm ready
to make a change. What's the best way to go about it?
Dear Gag Lady,
On the matter of ending your provision of oral to him, you need only substitute your hand for mouth. With
a generous amount of KY jel the sensation will be the same or better for him and he will not protest the substitution
if you are as firm with him as have been with me in your note.
As for training him to go down on you, that's a bit more challenging but it can be accomplished with patience.
- Take a bath, let him know you took a bath (have him wash your back or something).
- When you are together in bed, take out a bottle of flavored jel, open it, put a drop on your finger tip, then put your finger in his mouth. Let
him taste it.
- With another drop from the bottle, put a drop on your lips and let him kiss you there.
- Work your way down, slowly, neck, breasts, waist.
- Lastly, pour a very generous amount in your hand and smear it in your crotch.
- Grab his hair and direct him with your hands, gently but firmly, and be free
with your expressions of satisfaction. Don't let him up until you have climaxed
and let him know that you have and how great he was!
When you reach step 6 he will probably offer at least token resistence. But if he refuses altogether you have several options:
Use your judgement as to the situation and personalities.
But you should not accept defeat. Don't worry if he
is unenthusiastic and clumsy or worse the first time. It's all about getting him
over the psychological hump. Have confidence that in time he will come to crave
- You can declare "I lost my mood." and get dressed.
- You can be firm and insist and hold up further sex at that time.
- You can act hurt and offended that he won't even try it.
- You can firmly "force" him overcoming his resistence.
This generally works because it removes the main inhibition he has, strange taste
and smell. Use this technique for several months but gradually use less on your
crotch. Eventually, he'll be acclimated to your taste and smell and he'll take
the initiative before you even have the flavored gel out.
Dear Lady Misato,
My husband has a porn addiction. He often stays up late using his computer to visit porn sites.
It almost seems as if he prefers his virutal world to our real marriage.
I've confronted him in the past on this but only succeeded in driving his behavior underground. He denies that he still
visits porn sites but I recently discovered that not only is he visiting sites, he's also involved in online discussions.
And for all I know he may actually be meeting women. But even if he's not, I want to put a stop to this. It's ruining our marriage.
Porn addiction has become a very common problem in marriage. The internet makes it so very easy for him and temptations abound.
Men who are addicted to porn, and we use that term loosely to include those who simply act inappropriately as well as those who truly
struggle with their desires, tend to withdraw from the intimacy of marriage. Some even experience performance problems, their sexual
orientation being directed at their fantasies instead of your reality.
The first thing you need to do is find out exactly what he's doing behind your back. There are many products available that let
you monitor the activity on the computer. Several software products are available at Catch a Cheater.
Install one of these products and patiently build your evidence.
Your next step depends upon the level of your husband's addiction and his openness to your involvement in changing him.
If your husband is mildly addicted, or simply indulging himself against your wishes then you
can explore the basic techniques presented on my website to displace his interest in porn with an interst in you. Once you have
established yourself as an object of worship you can shape his behavior away from porn. You can use the information you collect from
the monitoring tools to force a confession from him during "conversation" and elicit promises. You can
use his shame to convince him that he needs you to manage his sexuality and the marriage in general.
It often occurs that a husband will be seriously addicted but open to your assistance. You may find that he "accidentally" leaves
his browser open to a porn site, for example. In this situation you should directly confront him with your collected evidence and force
a sharp change in your marriage with an emphasis on reorienting his sexual attention from porn to you. In such situations a formal
written agreement can be useful to capture his confession and his promises. Be explicit about the consequences of relapse on his part but
be generous about creating and fulfilling sexual fantasies that involve you.
In the worst case, though, your husband may be so addicted that he will not be open to any effort on your part to correct his
behavior. You will not have sexual leverage because he actually prefers his virtual world. In this case, you must find something else
to leverage and gain his attention. For example, it might be that only the threat of divorce can compete with his addiction. Or perhaps
he will worry more about public humilation. If you suspect that this is the case then you should collect sufficent evidence to support your case.
You may want to seek the assistance of an attorney to advise you what you can and cannot do legally.
Dear Lady Misato,
I recently learned that my husband has been having an affair with another woman. I can't express my anger and hurt at this betrayal.
And yet, as tempted as I may be to throw the bastard out on the street, we have four children so I don't want to abandon our marriage.
I wish I had found your website sooner but do you have any ideas on what I should do to repair my marriage?
It is indeed sad that you have been so betrayal by your husband. And it is certainly true that things might have turned
out differently if you had found my site sooner. Wives ought to treat this very real risk more seriously. But you are absolutely right to
want to repair your marriage.
However, you must first recognize that a man who has cheated once is very likely to cheat again. That means that you must assume responsibility
for making sure that it doesn't happen again. You don't just brush this under the rug and trust him to change his ways. (Yes, he's sorry. He's
sorry that he got caught!)
There are many women's groups that address this issue but I can't recommend them because they are far too accepting of defeat and
eager to pursue divorce. I don't believe that you need to accept defeat. Divorce is an option best left for last because once you start
down that path it's very hard to turn back.
The first step is to end the affair. You should be as aggressive as you possibly can in making sure that his affair is dead.
Remember that if he truly preferred this woman he would have left you already and you would not have the option
of repairing your marriage in the first place. The challenge is to make sure that it is not going to continue in the background of your marriage.
If the other woman is married, make sure that her husband is made aware of the affair. If this was an office affair, tell the boss. If you
are religious, involve your minister. Ask his parents for advice on saving your marriage. Strip
the affair of all secrecy and romance. Visit the woman at her home or office with your children in tow not to attack her, verbally or otherwise,
but to attach your face and the face of your children to your husband and thereby remove his image of availability. Indeed, you might find
that this other woman was also a victim in the affair; many men in an affair do not reveal their married status.
The next step is to send your husband out of your home to stay in a nearby hotel. Explain to your husband that he must earn his way back
into your house. Explain, honestly, to your children that you are having a problem but that you intend to work it out. If that is too
radical, then send him out of your bedroom to sleep in the guest room or on the couch. Place the burden on him to earn his way back to you.
It is also prudent, in this age, to have your husband tested for sexually transmitted diseases. You should personally accompany him to
a physician of your selection and receive the results directly, obtaining from him any consent that the physician might require. The
more humiliating this experience is for your husband, the better.
Finally, you must deliver an ultimatum to him. This ultimatum is designed to repair the marriage and to prevent a recurrence of an affair.
- Henceforth, you will manage the household finances because you cannot rely on him not to divert family resources to his affairs.
(As a first step you should open your own account and have his paycheck automatically deposited into it. Leave him his credit cards but
deprive him of cash. In this way you can keep track of, and control, his spending.)
- Henceforth, you will manage his orgasm because you cannot rely on him not to share them with another woman. (You may want to invest in
a chastity device or manually satisfy him each day before leaving for work.)
- He will do penance and court his way back into your heart because you cannot enjoy a marital relationship with someone you hate.
(Here is where you must be creative to find a way to spend your anger and hurt. For example, you might have "property of" your name tattooed on his penis.
In any case, you can let some time pass before you resume sex with him while he earns his way back into your heart.)
You must be firm that the alternative to the above ultimatum is a humiliating and financially devastating divorce.
If he accepts your ultimatum then the burden falls on you to fulfill the bargain and accept him back into your life. Obviously, however, the
terms of the ultimatum will place power in your hands.
Dear Lady Misato,
I am an attorney and my husband is a teacher. After I made partner and our incomes started to diverge we sometimes joked about having a non-traditional marriage.
Nothing ever came of it, of course.
But I recently found your website and have begun to experiment with your techniques and the results have been fabulous! Even now I amazed at the power that I've discovered in myself!
I am so encouraged that I have begun to think seriously about how to get him to stay home and be a househusband.
We share responsibilities now but I know the kids would be better off with more attention
and I think I'd really enjoy having a hot meal when I come home from work! I earn more than enough to make this work financially.
Is it really possible to get him to embrace this change? How do you suggest I go about it?
How will he face his friends and deal with the blow to his ego?
Dear Career Woman,
I think by now you realize that you have the power to effect this change in your marriage. If it makes economic sense and if it's
in the best interest of the children then you should pursue your desires.
The approach you take to persuade him should be a combination of rational discussion and erotic power applied at different times.
Open with rational argument to establish the discussion and to express your preference calmly and plainly. Then follow up your
rational arguments with "conversations" in bed. These may cover the same ground but they will help him to adjust emotionally
to what you are asking of him. Be patient but persistent offering both rational arguments and wielding your erotic power. You will
find that his resistance to the idea will dissipate over time. Eventually, you will persuade him.
To learn more, read about becoming the head of your household.
Dear Lady Misato,
I am looking for a dominant woman in my life. Where do I look? What do I look for?
What does a dominant woman looks for in a submissive male?
If I come across a dominant female, do I obey straight away of submit gradually? How can I sent out the appropriate signals to such a woman?
My advice is to seek out a woman who has dedicated herself to her career but longs for a family.
She will be more assertive and expressive of her desires than the average woman, not shy or embarassed by her own strength.
A slightly older woman who is becoming concerned about her "biological clock" would be ideal. Younger women are more cautious and submissive. The older a woman becomes, the more confident and comfortable she is with exercising power.
It is possible to find a stay at home wife or to find a career woman who doesn't want a family who will be the dominant partner but such are exceptions.
When you find a woman you think might be right, empty your mind of your fantasies and focus on what's in it for her.
Be the perfect gentleman and see how far you can go with that before she becomes uncomfortable with your deference to her wishes.
Find out what her ideal marriage is.
Finally, express an interest in being a househusband, generally at first, then to care for "her" children as the relationship develops and you begin to hint at marriage.
Dear Lady Misato,
Last year, about this time, I sent my wife to your website because I wanted her to be more assertive, not just in our relationship, but in life. She's always been a bit shy and timid, and I thought she could enjoy life more if she was to grab it by the horns. Well, was I in for a surprise!
She read your website, and sat me down. She said things are going to change.
She told me that she wanted me to wear a CB. I am amazed at how it started to make me feel and how it made me appreciate my wife.
Next, she started to deny me orgasms. She can have them, but I can't. I get orgasms probably 2 times a month at best. She now handles all our finances while I do most of the chores, and she gets an orgasm about 5 times a week mostly.
Next, when we have a disagreement she punishes me. Also, I don't get oral sex anymore. Only she gets it.
Sometimes it's alot of fun, I enjoy alot of it because she's alot more sexual than she used to be, and she is alot more assertive. But, some things seem a bit to far out for me, and I wonder how to approach a now dominant woman about my concerns without getting in trouble, but in a way that will work. My goal is to have more frequent orgasms, but to still cater to her.
As you can imagine, I see quite quite a few notes like this. While some wives hesitate, others jump in with both feet. This seems to be your case.
In general, once a wife's eyes have been opened to her own power in the marriage, and once she has embraced that power, you have only one way to influence things: asking. Some husbands try using the same tricks themselves, but of course they don't work in reverse. Others try taking a stand demanding a return to the way thing were before, but they always lose, usually after a period of great unhappiness and frustration.
I suggest instead that you begin with a heartfelt expression of capitulation to her. Establish that you recognize her superior position in the marriage, that you are dedicated to her, and so on. In other words, open yourself up to her completely and take away any doubt she may have that you think you can resist her. Once you are on the same level of understanding, you can ask for what it is you desire from her giving her the reasons for your request. She will feel both magnomous in giving it to you and confident that you will not abuse the gift.
Of course, if she believes you are asking for too much she may deny you. But you have a far better chance of getting what you seek through honest dialog.
Dear Lady Misato,
My husband who asked me to take a look at at your website, which I did with great reluctance.
But I find your web site very captivating. I have read through it several times now and I am being drawn in further and further into agreeing with your point of view on what marriage should be like. I would love to be catered to by my husband in the manner which you describe. I think I could learn to enjoy dominating our relationship and controlling him if it meant all of those wonderful things for me.
What initially started as a result of his interest has now become my own interest. How should I respond to my husband's invitation?
My first advice is that you stop to really appreciate what you are being offered. Consider the enormity of his gift to you. Yes, he undoubtely finds this titilating but he is volunteering to submit to you for the rest of his life, something so taboo among men that few would openly acknowledge it even to themselves. A marriage proposal pales by comparison.
So your first step in accepting his invitation is to thank him for it with your whole heart.
The next step, which you have already described, is to make this your own project. Having thanked him for giving you this, you must take ownership of it and take it in the direction that you desire.
Many husbands try to "top from the bottom", to control how their wife controls them. Not only is this intolerable but it is plainly artificial.
Once you take ownership of this you can begin to craft a marriage you never dreamed was possible.
I provide a lot of specific advice on my website because these have worked for so many wives. But ultimately you have to adapt it all to your own marriage.
Finally, once you have discovered your own path, you can begin to incorporate your husbands desires. You will find that once he is properly trained to recognize your true superiority in the marriage, that in his role as a junior partner, he can be an active participant just as a traditional wife is and that your mutual desires can be aligned.
Dear Lady Misato,
My wife has taken to your program with a keen interest. I originally introduced her because I thought it would be fun but she has taken it far beyond what I had ever imagined and now I am having second thoughts.
I've tried to go along, I have made one sacrifice after another. I let her play the "Queen", I give her oral almost every day but never receive it anymore. She carefully rations my orgasms. And she makes me wear her panties which I find quite humiliating. It's not fair.
It's true that I get a huge turnon from this, and truth be told, I cannot say "no" to her no matter how hard I try. But even so I have to wonder, what's in it for me? What do husbands get out of this?
Dear Not Fair,
What do husbands get out of this? That's a bit hard to explain but I'll try.
Husbands who embrace this lifestyle generally describe the feeling as one of blissful release, of letting go and floating in a pool of marital trust.
The problem you have encountered is that you resent what you have lost but you have not embraced what is available so you are trapped between two states enjoying neither.
My advice is that you stop resisting, let go of your fears and doubts, just let yourself fall into this with your wife and trust her to catch you.
You will almost certainly be pleasantly surprised by what you find when you do.
Dear Lady Misato,
My question is probably a little bit complicated. I'm 32 and have been married four years ago.
At first my husband was very loving. But the last two years he has become less passionate. His friends have become a bad influence on him, he is acting more and more macho with me. My complaints have fallen on deaf ears.
Last week he told me scornfully about an old schoolfriend who asked my husband for advice.
His old schoolfriend's wife has gradually accustomed him
to her taking the initiative in sex, becoming more and more dominating in their marriage, and that he
has complied with his wife's wishes. His wife finally revealed
that she learned all this from your RWDDW website and that she now expects him to knowingly and willingly obey her all her decisions.
It was at this point that he brought the issue to my husband.
My husband's advice to his schoolfriend was to tell his wife that she would have to choose between
accepting him as the boss or getting divorced. But his schoolfriend told him that he
wasn't able to do this and that he instead wished to accept his
wife's authority. In reaction to this "wimpy" choice, my husband broke off his friendship with him.
My husband regards the matter as closed. But I was fascinated by what he had described and with a little bit
of investigative effort, I found your website. I am fascinated by your ideas, they sound very
good and I believe they could help me to improve my marriage.
I would like to try your methods but, of course,
my husband already knows some details about them. Even if he hasn't read the website, he would surely do so as soon he noticed me trying them on him.
I'm not sure if your methods still work when the husband knows a little bit about your ideas. Is there a method I can
use so that my husband does not realize my real intentions not until it's to late
because he can't escape from my sexual power and my authority any more?
Wife of Chauvinist
Dear Wife of Chauvinist,
Regarding your situation, it is harder than usual for all the reasons that you mention. The most difficult part is that a husband who values domination of the marriage over happiness is unlikely to allow himself to be happy in a submissive role.
However, there is another possibility: he may have told the story to you because he secretly wishes to be sexually dominated but is afraid to admit it even to himself. Why else would he give you enough details to find my website? This is very common.
Rather than trying to be sneaky about it, I would suggest a direct approach.
Tell him that you read the website and found it to be very amusing and absurd. How could it possibly work? It's impossible. Surely confident, mature men are not so easily manipulated as that.
Tell him you are curious and you would like to experiment with it to find out how it makes him feel. Dare him to let you use the "conversation" method before sex and to tell you if he is influenced by it or not.
Tease his curiosity, dare him, challenge his courage. If he refuses, make fun of his insecurity.
This, I think, will result in his accepting the challenge, letting you try the techniques. If he is secretly desiring you to do this then he will allow himself to be conqured by you. But even if he is not, you may succeed anyway.
At the worst, you will try it, he will resist, and you will have some fun.
But if you really find your marriage to be intolerable there are more aggressive ways to go about this.
Dear Lady Misato,
I supose that female led marriage is best. Women are more intelligent and beautiful. They are also sensitive.
So it is honour to obey them, but not to worship them because it would be idolatery. It is very important because man
became protector of his wife and as that, part of her body like in the times of ladies and knights.
While the word "worship" is very commonly used to mean religious devotion it has a more general meaning: adoring
reverence or regard. Of course, when I teach a husband should worship his wife I mean that he should adore and revere
her but worship is simply a stronger word to add emphasis as you otherwise suggest. Don't worry, nobody is promoting
Dear Lady Misato,
I would love a copy of the picture you use on your web site. Where can I obtain a large poster size?
Dear Art Fan,
The painting is called "The Accolade" by Edmund Blair-Leighton.
Search for "Accolade" on AllPoseters.com.
Dear Lady Misato,
May I take the liberty of publishing a translation of your website in my native language?
I greatly appreciate translations of my work provided that your site is free and that you:
- Acknowledge my original work and copyright,
- Make a hyperlink reference to my original site with both text and banner,
- Notify me by email and provide the URL of your translation, and
- Include the phrase "Translation published with the permission of Lady Misato."
I reserve the right to revoke this license to publish a translation at any time for any reason.
For an example of a translation see Dutch.